Freak House - Should Have Stayed in Bed

My house is possessed. What a way to start off on a Monday...flooded front lawn. I spent hours on Saturday planting grass seed in the bald spots around the new landscaping only to have it washed away by my freakin' Satanistic sprinklers. Sometime, between 10:30pm Sunday and stupid early this morning my front lawn sprinklers decided that they should be on. I was making a morning smoothie, heard the sound of oscillating sprinklers and thought to myself 'self, the neighbours don't have oscillating sprinklers'. I went upstairs and was mortified. At least a 1 inch pool of water where my lawn use to be...and the friggin' English Channel running down Qu'Appelle. Crap. Not quite the word I used, but this is a rated site. I tried to reset, I tried to unplug, finally I resorted to turning the water valve off - we have no water in our home today. I'll deal with this when I get home. After all, there is no reason to worry about the new grass seed drying out - it's all been washed away down the road!
Time to head to work. I get my riding gear on and press the garage door open button - nothing. Only the light flickers on. No motor, no magical opening of said garage door. I try the other. Nothing. Crap crap. I hand crank the door open and pony walk my bike out, and as I'm passing under the garage door which is propped open with a rickety broom handle I think to myself 'self, this garage door will fall on you and pin you to the concrete driveway for hours before someone finds you - could be days.' I have nothing to eat. I panic and walk faster. The garage door does not fall on me. I release the door - I don't want burglars today.
Riding to work I try to enjoy the beautiful sunny weather, the fresh clean air, the gorgeous views that go sailing past. Traffic jam. What? Where am I. In the Loops we don't have traffic jams! You wait one light and THAT'S a traffic jam! Accident. Crap. I contemplate turning around and calling it quits for the day. Are these signs? I weave my way through traffic and take the back roads and make it to work with time to spare. I think about not changing into 'girl clothes' and leaving my riding gear on all day. My jab at the system. Not today. I change, get my cappuccino (French vanilla - thanks Timmy) and lay my head on my desk. It's not even 8:30.
Happy Anniversary - wish you were here.

Weekend Giggle

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, since you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No….Not if I'm going to have to explain it five times."

Why Did the Chipmunk Fall Out Of the Tree?

That was the question from the past weekend. And it isn't actually a strange question...really...once you hear the story.

To celebrate our Nation's Birthday Fletcher and I were invited to go camping at Herald Park with the Fishers and a plethora of equally enthusiastic adventure seekers, some of whom we've camped with in the past. We arrived late Friday afternoon, following road closures due to lightning-downed power lines and torrential downpours that threatened the continuation of the entire camping weekend. Hamburgers Friday night, followed by a multitude of vodka mixes...none of which I remember. But I do remember the new puppy! Everyone, meet Kona.

Saturday was beautiful - spent lounging on the beach, avoiding duck itch, and tossing rocks for the Chow. After such strenuous activities, it was time for lunch, and a refill. Fletcher loves camping cause he gets to eat off the furniture and sleep in mama's bed!

Brian and his connections allowed our campfires to be the envy of the entire park. We had at least a chord of clean, stripped wood that provided much some needed heat in the evenings. Not to say that it was cold, not by any means, but I'm cold blooded and anything below 30C is freezing. I wore a sweater most of the time.

In Herold Park there is a short hike to the beautiful Margaret Falls, which Fletch and I made the journey to 4 times. There are some great rocks in that creek, and the hike in is breath-taking. There is a cave behind the falls...but as Daryl wasn't there no one from our clan were brave enough to attempt spelunking...this time.

Canada Day evening brought on the fireworks (and sore ears for all the pooches) and we were entertained by the exploding colours and flatulent sounds of the roman candles etc. We all giggled.

A tradition amongst the camping clans is the annual build your own bio-degradable river raft/boat/anything that can float creek run dinghy. With 6 entries at the start and 4 at the finish it provided some amusement for young and old. (Reminisce of the Blair Witch Project...)

Now we get to the chipmunk...Monday afternoon, after a turn-over in occupancy of the neighbouring sites, we were sitting at the picnic table playing crib when...splat...We look over at the road, and there, lying in the fetal position was...what is that...a pine cone...no...a branch...no...oh lord...it's a chipmunk! So the chipmunk fell out of the tree onto the road. We thought for sure it was dead after a fall that far and the resulting splat. Teresa wearily approached the motionless creature when it suddenly rolled onto its belly and bolted away into the forest. Even Fletcher didn't know what to do with the 'risen from the dead' zombie-esk chase-able. We all had another drink. And giggled some more. Chipmunks weren't the only things falling out of trees...the kids found a baby bird and spent the final day trying to save it. It has prospects to grow up to be a pterodactyl.